When a friend, family member, or colleague is experiencing a mental health crisis, it can feel overwhelming and intimidating. You may need to figure out what to say, how to act, or how to provide support best. You might worry about saying the wrong thing or feel helpless because you don’t know how to “fix” their problems. In these moments, it’s essential to remember that being a supportive presence doesn’t require you to have all the answers; it just requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to listen.
Over the years, I’ve been privileged to counsel individuals in crisis and support their loved ones as they navigate these challenging situations. Based on this experience, I’ve compiled a list of dos and don’ts to guide anyone who wants to help someone in crisis. These tips can help you approach the situation compassionately and provide meaningful support without overstepping boundaries.
DO: Listen Without Judgment
One of the most powerful things you can do for someone in crisis is simply to listen. Often, people in crisis feel misunderstood, isolated, or judged, which only intensifies their pain. By offering a non-judgmental ear, you create a safe space where they can share their thoughts and feelings openly.
- Practice active listening by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and responding with short affirmations like, “I hear you” or “That sounds hard.”
- Avoid interrupting or offering immediate solutions; instead, focus on understanding their experience.
- Show empathy by validating their feelings. Simple statements like, “I can see why you’d feel that way” or “It makes sense that you’d feel overwhelmed” can be incredibly comforting.
DON’T: Minimize Their Feelings
It’s natural to want to “cheer up” someone struggling, but minimizing or dismissing their feelings can have the opposite effect. Phrases like “It’s not that bad” or “Just try to stay positive” may be intended as encouragement, but they can make the person feel misunderstood or invalidated.
- Avoid phrases that dismiss their pain, like “It could be worse” or “You’ll get over it soon.”
- Don’t rush to offer solutions or advice unless they specifically ask for it; sometimes, people just need to be heard and understood.
- Acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be, but I’m here to support you.”
DO: Offer Reassurance and Support
People in crisis often feel hopeless, anxious, and alone. Offering reassurance can be incredibly grounding, even if you can’t fix the problem. Let them know you’re there for them and that they’re not alone in this journey.
- Say things like, “I’m here for you, no matter what,” or “You’re not alone, and I’ll support you however I can.”
- Reassure them that their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel like they do.
- Remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness if they’re open to it. Statements like “Reaching out for help shows how strong you are” can encourage them to take that step if they haven’t already.
Don’t Try to “Fix” Their Problems
It’s natural to want to “fix” the problem in moments of crisis. However, mental health challenges often don’t have simple solutions, and attempting to solve their issues can make the person feel like their emotions are being dismissed or simplified.
- Resist the urge to offer solutions like, “Why don’t you just try exercising more?” or “Have you considered thinking more positively?”
- Understand that your role is to support rather than to solve. Some things are beyond your control, and you’re not responsible for “curing” their pain.
- Let them lead the conversation about what they need rather than assuming you know what’s best.
DO: Encourage Professional Help
While peer support can be incredibly valuable, professional help is often essential for someone going through a severe mental health crisis. Encourage them to consider speaking to a therapist, counselor, or doctor who can provide the appropriate care and resources.
- If they’re open to it, offer to help them find resources. This might mean researching therapists, accompanying them to an appointment, or helping them navigate insurance questions.
- Use supportive language like, “It might help to talk to someone trained in this area” or “Seeking professional support could give you more tools to navigate this.”
- Respect their readiness to seek help. If they’re not open to it, let them know you’re there whenever they’re ready.
DON’T: Make It About You
While it’s natural to want to relate to someone’s experience, be careful not to center the conversation on your own stories or advice. Statements like “I know exactly how you feel” or “When I went through something similar…” can unintentionally make the person feel that their unique experience is being overlooked.
- Avoid sharing personal stories unless asked or you’re confident it will provide comfort. Focus on their feelings, not your own.
- Resist the urge to compare their situation to something you’ve been through. Every experience is different, and their feelings and circumstances are unique, even if you’ve faced a similar challenge.
- Remember that this moment is about them, not about proving your understanding. Being present and compassionate is often more potent than relating your experiences.
DO: Respect Their Boundaries
When someone is in crisis, they may not feel ready to share everything, and that’s okay. Respecting their boundaries is crucial in building trust and providing practical support.
- Ask if they’re comfortable sharing more before delving into sensitive topics. Let them control the pace and depth of the conversation.
- Don’t push them to discuss things they’re not ready to discuss. Allow them to open up gradually if and when they feel comfortable.
- Check-in periodically without pressuring them. A simple “I’m here if you want to talk” can provide reassurance without overstepping boundaries.
DON’T: Take It Personally if They Withdraw
Mental health crises can be incredibly isolating, and it’s common for people to withdraw from their usual social interactions. If your friend or loved one doesn’t respond to your messages or turns down offers to spend time together, try not to take it personally. Their withdrawal likely reflects what they’re going through, not their feelings toward you.
- Give them space and let them know you’re there when they’re ready.
- Don’t take silence or distance as rejection; consider it part of their healing process.
- Keep showing up with gentle check-ins like, “I’m just thinking of you, and here if you need anything,” to remind them that your support is unconditional.
DO: Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone in crisis can be emotionally draining. It’s essential to prioritize your mental health and well-being so you can be a steady and compassionate presence in their life.
- Set boundaries to protect your mental health and avoid burnout. You can be supportive without being available 24/7.
- Take breaks when needed to recharge and process your own emotions. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
- Seek support if you need it, whether from friends, family, or a therapist. Supporting someone in crisis can be challenging, and asking for help is okay.
DON’T: Blame Yourself if They Don’t Improve Right Away
Mental health recovery is often a long and non-linear journey. Remember that you are not responsible for “fixing” someone else’s mental health. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or haven’t done enough if they don’t show immediate improvement.
- Recognize that healing takes time and that your support, while invaluable, is just one part of their journey.
- Don’t internalize their struggles or blame yourself if they continue to face challenges. You can only do so much, and they ultimately have their path to follow.
- Celebrate small moments of connection and trust, knowing that your presence alone is a powerful source of support.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Empathy and Patience
Supporting someone in a mental health crisis is no small task, and it requires patience, empathy, and emotional resilience. Your role is not to “fix” or “cure” them but to provide a compassionate presence that reminds them they’re not alone. You can be a powerful source of comfort and stability in their life by listening without judgment, respecting boundaries, and encouraging professional help when appropriate.
Remember, every act of kindness, every listening ear, and every moment of empathy can make a difference. Supporting someone in crisis may only feel rewarding, and you may not see immediate results. But your willingness to show up, even when it’s hard, has a ripple effect that goes deeper than you may realize.
If you’re supporting someone through a mental health crisis, take heart. Your presence and compassion are gifts that make a profound impact—even if it’s hard to see in the moment. And, most importantly, don’t forget to take care of yourself along the way.
